Healing Body Image: An Internal Family Systems Path to Wholeness
By LeAnna Kievning, MA, AMFT
Almost everyone has had a moment of looking in the mirror and feeling that quiet ache of not being enough. Maybe it’s a passing thought, or maybe it’s a feeling that sticks, a sense that your body has somehow let you down. Sometimes it begins early, with an offhand comment, a comparison, or a moment of rejection that quietly roots itself in the background of our lives.
Over time, these experiences shape how we see ourselves and how we move through the world. They can influence what we wear, how we eat, and even how much joy we allow ourselves to feel. Body image struggles are rarely about vanity. They often have to do with belonging, safety, and identity.
Internal Family Systems (IFS) offers a gentle way to explore this kind of pain. Instead of trying to fight or fix it, IFS invites us to get curious about the parts of us that carry these beliefs and emotions. Healing begins when we stop waging war on ourselves and start listening with compassion.
Seeing Body Image Through the Lens of “Parts”
IFS starts with a simple but powerful idea: we are made up of many inner parts. These are the voices, feelings, and patterns that make up our inner world.
Understanding Body Image as an Internal System
One part might be critical of how you look. Another might try to control food or exercise. Another might seek comfort in food when life feels hard. Each part has its own job, its own fears, and its own story about what it thinks you need in order to be okay.
How Body Image Is Shaped by Protective Parts
When we begin to understand these parts, we can see that they’re not bad. They’ve actually been trying to help. The critical voice might think it’s protecting you from rejection. The perfectionist might be trying to prevent shame. Even the part that wants to hide from mirrors is probably trying to spare you from pain.
The goal isn’t to silence these parts but to understand them. When we approach them with curiosity instead of judgment, we begin to heal.
Meeting the Inner Critic with Curiosity
Many people’s body image struggles center around an inner critic. That voice that says things like, “You need to look better,” or “You’ll never measure up.” Often, that voice sounds like someone from the past (a parent, a teacher, or even the culture we grew up in).
It’s easy to hate that voice or want it gone. But in IFS, we take a different approach. We get curious about what that part is trying to do. Often, it’s afraid. It believes if it criticizes you first, others won’t get the chance to reject you.
You might pause and ask yourself:
What is this critical voice trying to protect me from?
How long has it been doing this job?
What might it need to feel safe enough to rest?
When people begin to understand the motivation behind the criticism, it often softens. The voice doesn’t disappear overnight, but it becomes less powerful. You start to see that beneath it is usually a longing for love, belonging, or safety.
The Wounded Parts Beneath the Surface
Under the critical or controlling parts are often deeper wounds. These “exiles,” as we call them in IFS, carry old pain. Maybe they remember being teased, compared, or ignored. Maybe they carry shame from a moment when you felt exposed or not enough.
Body Image Wounds and the Parts That Carry Them
These parts are tender. And because their pain can feel overwhelming, our system naturally tries to protect them, sometimes through overworking, dieting, perfectionism, or avoidance. But what helps these parts heal isn’t control; it’s connection.
When we turn toward them with compassion, we begin to reclaim pieces of ourselves that have felt lost or unwanted. There’s often grief in that process, grief for how long we’ve carried this pain, but also relief that it no longer has to be carried alone.
The True Self: The Image of God Within
In IFS, healing happens through what’s called Self energy, the calm, compassionate, grounded presence that exists at the core of every person.
It’s important to clarify that this Self is not the same “self” the Bible calls us to deny. The Self in IFS isn’t ego or pride. It’s the reflection of God’s image within us, the Imago Dei. It’s the part of us that can love, comfort, forgive, and show mercy, even when other parts feel afraid or ashamed.
The Path to Wholeness Begins with Self-Compassion
When we lead from that place, we’re guided by qualities that look a lot like God’s character: gentleness, patience, peace, and understanding.
So when the old thoughts show up, like “I hate my stomach” or “I should look different,” you can respond from that place of grace. You might say, “I see that part of me is hurting, and I can care for her.”
This is the heart of IFS: allowing the Spirit-led Self, the image of God within, to meet our hurting parts with compassion. That’s where transformation happens.
Changing How We See the Body
So much of our culture teaches us to view the body as an enemy, something to fix or conquer. But what if the body isn’t a problem to solve, but a partner in our healing?
Reframing Body Image on the Path to Wholeness
The body holds our stories. It remembers the moments of fear, joy, and sorrow. It carries tension when we’re anxious and softens when we feel safe. It’s not against us; it’s been trying to protect us all along.
Sometimes I invite clients to thank their bodies for how hard they’ve worked, even when they’ve felt disappointed in them. Gratitude doesn’t mean we have to love every part of how we look. It means we’re acknowledging that our body has been faithful, carrying us through everything we’ve faced.
You might pause and ask yourself:
What has my body carried me through?
How can I show care instead of criticism today?
The Mind-Body Connection
What’s beautiful about IFS is that it lines up with what we know about the brain and nervous system. When we approach ourselves with kindness, our brain begins to rewire.
The part that sounds alarm bells when we feel threatened (the amygdala) calms down. The part of the brain that helps with empathy and reasoning (the prefrontal cortex) becomes more active.
The Mind-Body Connection in Healing Body Image
In simpler terms, when we practice compassion, we actually teach our brain and body that we are safe. Over time, this helps us feel more grounded and less reactive.
Simple grounding tools can help this process, things as deep breathing, stretching, or gentle walks. These small practices signal to the body that it’s okay to relax, and that helps our inner parts feel safe, too.
Integrating Faith and Grace
For many people, faith becomes an anchor in this process. Remembering that we are made in God’s image reminds us that our worth is not up for debate. It doesn’t rise or fall with the number on a scale or the reflection in a mirror.
Faith, Grace, and the Path to Wholeness
Faith, when approached through grace, doesn’t bypass the hard work of healing; it supports it. Inviting God into the process allows light to reach the places shame has kept hidden. If prayer is part of your life, you might ask God to help you see yourself through His eyes. To remind you that your body was never meant to be a battleground, but a home for His Spirit.
And if faith hasn’t always felt like a safe place for you, healing can still happen through grace. Simply learning to offer yourself kindness, without having to earn it, is sacred work.
Practical Ways to Begin Healing
Body image healing takes time and patience. Here are a few simple ways to begin:
Practical Steps Toward Healing Body Image
Notice your thoughts. When a critical thought appears, pause and ask, “Who in me feels this way?” Naming the part helps you create space between the thought and your identity.
Show your body appreciation. Thank your body for something it allowed you to do today. Gratitude builds gentleness.
Move for joy, not punishment. Exercise or stretch because it feels good to move, not to make up for eating.
Create safe spaces. Healing happens where you feel safe, whether that’s in therapy, prayer, or with supportive people.
Stay curious. When shame arises, try asking, “What is this part protecting me from?” Curiosity is the antidote to judgment.
Remember your worth. You were created in God’s image. Your body was never a mistake.
The Path to Wholeness
Healing body image isn’t about reaching a finish line. It’s about learning to live in peace with yourself, as you are. It’s about understanding that every part of you- every thought, memory, and emotion- has value and purpose.
Through Internal Family Systems, we learn that when we meet our parts with compassion, they soften. When they soften, we begin to experience freedom. And when we live from that freedom, we become more connected not only to ourselves but to the One who made us.
Your body is not an obstacle. It’s the place where healing happens. If this resonates with you, we invite you to connect with one of our therapists at Sycamore Grove. Together, we can walk with you on this path toward a more peaceful and grace-filled relationship with your body, one step, one breath, one part at a time.
Walking the Path to Wholeness with Compassion
Healing body image is not about fixing what is broken. It is about learning to relate differently to the parts of you that have been carrying pain, fear, or shame for a long time. Through an Internal Family Systems lens, healing body image becomes a process of listening, honoring, and responding with compassion rather than control.
This path to wholeness invites you to see your body not as an obstacle, but as a witness to your story and a partner in healing. When you meet your inner critic, wounded parts, and protective strategies with curiosity and grace, space opens for gentleness, freedom, and deeper connection with yourself and with God. Over time, this compassionate relationship can reshape how you experience your body and your worth.
If this reflection resonates and you long for support in healing body image, Sycamore Grove Counseling offers a space where faith, clinical wisdom, and compassion come together. You do not have to walk this path alone. With support, patience, and care, a more peaceful and grace-filled relationship with your body is possible.
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